ACME Very Adult Novelty Company

by Baobab

“Come on in Wally!”

“Thanks Julie, care for a piece of gum?”

It was a standard ACME joke to offer gum; nobody in their right mind would take it.  Julie did.  She was a good sport and knew it would probably get her into trouble but she had hired Wally to liven up this party.

The whole room was in fetish wear of one type or another, except for Wally.  Wally was wearing a goofy plaid three piece suit with a black bowler hat, cane and flower in the lapel.  He set his suitcase down on the way in. Between his potbelly (funny, she didn’t remember him being fat) and the goofy look on his face he looked like a clown or a vacuum cleaner salesman.

This was Julie’s first party since her divorce to David and she was determined that it would be the best ever… except she hadn’t seen anything more than a couple of hand jobs yet and it was starting to getting late. 

She could feel a bead of sweat forming on her body paint, everyone was watching her.  She popped the gum in mouth.  She turned to face her guests as if to say “see Wally’s OK…” then the gum began to foam up.  It was foul, she immediately bent over and began to retch, Wally made a show of holding her hair like a gentleman.  A foul smelling grey glob of goo spilled out of her mouth and hit the floor.  The guests gasped and stepped back.  The stuff puddle on the floor and stretched back up to her mouth.  She was gagging, she was standing in it and it was continuing to pour from her mouth.  She wanted it out of her mouth; she tried to pull it out with hands and knew it was a mistake as soon as her hands touched the stuff, now they were stuck in the sticky goo too.  She slipped and fell into it face first.  She was going to kill Wally.

Wally dropped her hair and any pretense of chivalry and retreated to a safe distance.  Then he proudly announced the up-coming release of ACME’s new Plastacizer Gum while Julie kicked around on her back like a dead bug!  “Long lasting and hygienic, it’s a completely aerated biomedically sealed spermicidal polymer so you don’t have to worry about skin irritation, pregnancy, venereal diseases, choking, or asphyxiation… rock hard but you can breathe right through it!” 

Julie made one final attempt to get to her feet and kill Wally.  She only made it up to her knees before the goo began to harden.  Her palms and knees stuck to the ground, her back arched as she tried to stand, her mouth gaping open as she tried to bite him.  Her skin tightened so much that it felt like her pussy and asshole were getting pulled wide open for everyone to take a look at.  Julie thought her tits were going to explode. 

Then it hit her.  She shook on the inside because she couldn’t even curl her toes.  She came so hard that she instantly forgave Wally.  She came so hard that she didn’t notice Wally using her ass like she was a piece of furniture to unpack his suitcase.  She came so hard that she didn’t even notice the beeping of the clowny looking ACME Orgasm Detector that Wally was holding up to show the crowd… that thing was going crazy.

“Let’s hear it for the fine hostess!”  A round of applause followed.  Wally hung the Orgasm Detector around her neck like a cowbell and continued on with his sales pitch.

Wally offered another piece of gum to the crowd; there weren’t any immediate takers.

“Oh come on now, give me a little credit people!”  Wally popped the gum in his own mouth and began to chew.  A girlfriend pushed her tentative boyfriend out from the crowd.

“OK, I guess I’ll try a piece.”

Without hesitation Wally took the gum out of his own mouth and stuck it on the guy’s nose.  People chuckled, while the guy tried to pull it off and winced in pain.  The chuckling turned to a roar of laughter as the gum grew and took shape.

“That’s right folks, the new and improved ACME Dickface Gum!  Yes, new Dickface Gum now comes with fun and functioning chin testicle action!   That’s right folks you can fuck with it and smell with it… hope don’t have a foot fetish!”

Two minutes later the guy’s nose looked like an eight inch phallus, his chin resembled a set of pendulous balls.  The secretarial pool had surrounded him to watch as his girlfriend give new meaning to the term face fucking.  Julie could hear the boyfriend protesting as his girlfriend was finally the one demanding anal. 

Meanwhile, people had taken to using Julie as an extra table.  She had become a resting place for several drinks and sex toys.  It was her own fault really; because the coffee table was covered with appetizers.  Dana (the French maid wannabe) asked if Julie would “hold on to something” for her.  She felt her ass eagerly except the rather large handle of an ornate feather duster.  Not what she was hoping for, but a start.  The gadget on her neck made a few tentative “pings” as the duster was slid in.

Elsewhere, Wally moved into the crowd and began to mingle.  Julie was waiting for the flower to squirt something; the flowers always squirted something.  She didn’t have long to wait.  Several people were caught in the mist, their costumes turned to dust almost instantly, leaving them unfashionably naked.  A guy that Julie didn’t know seemed quite upset at the loss of his favorite (and no doubt expensive) bondage suit.

Wally offered him his bowler hat as an apology, setting it neatly on the man’s head.  The hat swallowed the man’s head in a single quick gulp.  The guy managed only a squeak in surprise before the hat began swallowing the guy like some massive black python, lengthening as it moved down his body, pinning him tight as it went.  People gasped in shock.  He tried to fight but his arms were pinned against his body as it moved over his shoulders.  By the time it had rhythmically worked its way down his to his stomach the man was laying on the floor sporting a huge erection.  A husband and wife team picked him up and started putting him through his paces only to find out that the snake/hat thing wasn’t nearly full. 

Julie felt a huge sense of relief; the party had finally kicked into high gear.  Out of the corner of Julie’s eye she could see Wally bent over a table and dispensing drinks from a spigot that he had inserted into his keister.  His gut shrank with each bubbling glass that was filled. 

She couldn’t turn to see who was first to come up behind her and give her the business.  Whoever it was didn’t pull the feather duster out of her ass before they jammed their cock into her compressed little pussy… it felt like she was getting double teamed by an ostrich.  The Orgasm Detector let everyone in the room know how much she liked it.  The duster stayed in for the rest of the night.

Sometime later, Julie noticed a jack-in-the-box had been left in the middle of the room and everyone held their breath waiting for the weasel to go pop as the tough guy from shipping turned the handle with great trepidation.  Even Wally backed away; the ACME Jack-in-the-Boxes were notoriously mean spirited. Someone had begun to rummage through his Wally’s suitcase of goodies and it wasn’t Wally.  The animatronic and well endowed clown that burst out promptly kicked the poor guy in the balls and began to bugger him silly.  If the fellow wasn’t afraid of clowns before, he was now. 

Things began to get a little crazy after that.  One of those spring loaded cans of peanuts had been opened and out sprung a dozen springy tentacle-like-things that seemed capable of finding an empty orifice from twenty feet away.  A woman had mounted or been mounted to some sort of dildo-seated unicycle contraption with nothing more than a small novelty umbrella to keep her balance with.  She was or wasn’t a very good driver and managed to crash into the chip dip which then had to be removed by tongue.

Someone tried to fight off the robot clown by throwing a pie at it, they missed and the next thing you know the air is thick with flying pies.  Where were these pies coming from?  The fifteen-foot long bloated snake-hat thing slithered by with its cargo of half a dozen orgasmic joy riders wiggling and squirming with abandon and began to eat a few pies for desert.  The clown fought back with his own squirting flower gag, which glued people to anyone or anything or anywhere they might happen to be for later buggering.  Realizing he was hopelessly out numbered, the clown unleashed a barrel of butt monkeys to do his dirty work for him.  The batteries on that damn Orgasm Detector finally died.

Julie saw Wally get gang tackled by a pack of pie wielding monkeys and knew all hope was lost as the giant pair of boxing gloves he was swinging didn’t seem to be doing the trick.  One of the larger monkeys had started bonking anyone resisting the monkey business on the head with an oversized mallet that left people stunned with little birds and stars floating around their heads until the monkeys came to deliver a spanking of their own.  Last she saw of Wally, the monkeys literally had him over their barrel. 

The doorbell rang one last time; some joker had ordered pizza.  He got paid in true pizza delivery guy fashion and left the box of pizza on her back… which attracted way too many monkeys.  From there it got worse or better, depending on your perspective.  Either way Julie would have a lot of cleaning up to do tomorrow. 

A huge oversized alarm clock rang at exactly 3:00 AM and everything came to a screeching halt.  Monkeys packed themselves back into a barrel, the clown in his box.  Julie saw several people helping Wally remove a novelty umbrella from his keister.  The hat spit up a pile of people and pie plates.  A phallus shrank down to the size of poppable zit on the nose of a man with a mild case of lockjaw.  Julies own skin prison became chocolate flavored and quiet edible.  She handed out the delicious chucks of chocolate to her guests as they filed by, thanking her and telling her what a great party it had been.  Wally wished everyone a good night and reminded them that he did birthday parties and weddings as well.

Wally was last to leave, he reached to shake her hand.  She saw the joy buzzer but she put her hand out anyway. What the hell; she was a good sport…


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