Snakes On Elaine – Parts 1 ~ 3

by Drake

A new adventure for Old Blighty's most sensuous superagent. This is part 1, 2, and 3 of (hopefully) many to come...

It was a gorgeous British sunrise.  Not much had been written on British sunrises; even less so about sunsets, given that at one time, the sun had not set on the British Empire.  Still as sunrises went, even British ones, it was rather impressive.  A hint of gold on the horizon, slowly broadening to awaken the green fields and pastures of Britain; the sun’s life giving rays blazing forth, momentarily overcoming the clouds and rain.

Elaine had been witness to many a British sunrise, and resented each of them deeply and with much malice.  Sunrise, whenever it occurred was a positively unseemly hour where good folk, or at least sensible ones, should be tucked into bed.  The golden light had reached the foot of her bed, lighting the vast acreage of satin.  It also the illuminated the enthusiastic alarm clock that had roused Elaine from slumber.  Patricia Halliday, known more commonly by her stage name Trish Holiday; star of an endless stream of Lesbian Cat Girl Theatre films and a top spy in the S.I.A. the sub-branch of the Central Intelligence Agency that dealt exclusively with the sexier side of intelligence.

Trish was glorious; a lithe, athletic, red head with a sensual repertoire that defied description.  Her tongue in particular was magnificent, capable of reducing a lover to quivering, orgasmic, jelly in a few judicial licks.  She was warm, funny, athletic, intelligent and had the libido of an entire division of the SAS, their wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, and house pets.  She had only one flaw.  Trish was a morning person.  Trish had not been in Elaine’s bed the evening before.  Ergo she had recently arrived from America.  This likely meant that something was brewing and that a new and exciting opportunity for sexual escapades in the service of Queen and country was imminent.  If that was the case, she would need her sleep; which was unlikely to happen if Trish continued to do what she was currently doing.

Elaine shivered.  Trish was on top of her, supporting herself in the push up position.  She lowered herself, licked Elaine’s right nipple and then rose again.  She repeated the motion with the left nipple.  After ten repetitions she paused for a moment and then resumed, substituting a quick, sensual suck in lieu of the lick.

“Fine, I’m bloody awake.”  Elaine grabbed Trish and pushed her back onto the bed.  “Since you are intent on getting right up my spout, I shall return the favour.”

“Elaine, I was busy there.”  Trish made a mockery of trying to struggle away from Elaine’s grasp.  Elaine slid down the length of Trish’s tan body until her lips hovered over Trish’s sex.  Rather than dive in, Elaine played around the edges, her tongue tracing the perimeter of Trish’s labia, each lick drawing closer.  Trish shuddered, her fingers playing in Elaine’s long, blonde hair, arranging it in a curtain that covered her own slowly bucking hips.  Elaine’s tongue continued to work, coaxing Trish’s sex open like gentle sunlight coaxing a blossom to spread its petals.  Trish was already on the edge of climax.  Not unusual, Trish was multi-orgasmic, the trick was not getting her to come, it was building up any anticipation.  Like a hurdler, the redhead liked to throw herself over the brink of each climax, and then continue to sprint towards the next.  Elaine continued to tease, shifting so she could reach the head of the bed.  It was always good to have a contingency plan, especially at irresponsible hours of the morning.  Her hand darted under a pillow and emerged with a vibrator.  The toy was smooth, with a glossy gold finish.  Trish gasped as Elaine added the toy to her teasing.  Tracing it slowly around Trish’s sex, while allowing her tongue to delve deeper.  Trish started gasping, her body arching in preparation for an epic climax.  As she shuddered in release, Elaine depressed the hidden stud on the vibrator’s smooth surface.

“Elaine!”  Trish gasped as she came.  “I can’t move!”

“I know.”  Elaine smiled down.  A wave of glittering gold was rushing over Trish’s tan skin.  “Say hello and pip-pip to the gild-do, a smashing little variation on X’s golden gun technology.”


There was no point in waiting for a reply.  Trish lay unmoving on the bed, every inch of her skin covered in glistening gold.  Elaine leaned down and kissed, Trish’s unmoving lips, her tongue exploring the frozen contours.  Her fingers traced Trish’s wonderfully stiff nipples.

“A few hours of being held in a state of climax should keep you busy.”  Elaine cuddled up to Trish’s unmoving, glistening body.  The gold was cool against her skin, but quickly warmed up.  “As for me, I am going back to sleep; I shall unfreeze you at a decent hour and then we can continue what you started.”

With that Elaine pulled the covers up over both of them and closed her eyes, within moments she was asleep, her features caught up in a small, satisfied smile, her arms wrapped around her unmoving, golden, lover.


* * *


“Honeypenny, what the devil is happening?”  Elaine gaped.   Honeypenny was slumped at her desk.  Her clothes, rather than respectable tweed, had been replaced with deep black.  Her eyes were rimmed with red.  Elaine’s eye took in the rest of the office.  There were two possible explanations for Honeypenny’s obvious emotional distress.  The first was that the two villainesses, Allotta Tongue and Buxomly Maid, who normally decorated Honeypenny’s office - they had been trapped by their own golden, statue, technology on a previous mission – were no longer decorating the office.  That alone would be enough to upset MMM’s secretary.  Why weren’t they there?

“What happened to MMM?”  Elaine asked, a stab of fear piercing her heart.  MMM was a perverted, peeping tom of the first order, who excelled at blackmail to ensure funding for his department, and sweetly tolerated the particular quirks of his spies and staff.  Usually because he was secretly watching.  He was however, an ancient, decrepit old man, was it possible that he had finally observed an erotic excess that stopped his aged heart?

“He’s in the hospital Miss Blonde.”  Honeypenny sniffed and wiped a tear.  “He’s in a coma and the doctors don’t think he’s going to pull through.”

“His knighthood.”  Elaine connected the dots.  “He doggered the bloody Queen, didn’t he.”

“While she was changing.”  Honeypenny nodded.  “He was in the wardrobe and caught a real eyeful.”

“It is how he always wanted to go.”  Elaine managed a sad smile.  “With a smile on his face, an eyeful of secretly observed blart, and presumably his hand down his pants.  I take it you have removed your golden decorations for a suitable period of mourning.”

“No.”  Honeypenny hissed, fresh tears pooling around her eyes and then rolling down her cheeks.  “It… It’s MMM’s replacement.  She had them removed.  All of them.”

“His replacement?”  Elaine started.  “It really is that serious.  Who is it?”

“Mary Whitebread.”  Honeypenny whispered.  “Elaine.  What are we to do?”

“Elaine.”  Trish said.  Elaine’s mouth hung open, her face frozen in shocked incredulity.  Trish waved a hand in front of her face to try and elicit a reaction.  In escalation she launched a sharp kick to Elaine’s shin.  Elaine remained unmoving.  Rolling her eyes slightly, Trish stepped in front of Elaine and, jumping up and down, lifted her top and displayed her enticingly bouncing breasts.

“Mary Whitebread!”  Trish’s nipples had worked their magic, breaking Elaine’s shock induced paralysis.  “Are you telling me that the most bloody, puritanical, celibate, busybody in the whole of Great Britain has been handed control of our department!”

“She can’t be that bad.”  Trish caught the expression on Elaine’s face.  “Or can she?”

“Trish.  This cannot be understated.”  Elaine managed from between clenched teeth.  “This is a woman who is against everything that we stand for.  Gay marriage, premarital sex, marital sex, oral sex, anal sex, masturbation, bisexuality, heterosexuality, homosexuality, vibrators, dildos, tofu – you know, meat substitutes; birth control, sex education, sex in the general and specific, Monty Python’s Life of Brian, pornography, page three girls, page two girls, and the gratuitous use of the words, Tom, Dick, Harry and Roger!”

“She wants to see you Miss Blonde.”  With an extreme effort Honeypenny pulled herself back together and extended her hand towards the door to MMM’s office.  MMM’s former office, Elaine corrected herself with no small amount of pain.

Elaine pushed through the double doors.  The office was so familiar, yet so different.  Previously the various villainesses, frozen in various poses and methods, their own petrifying plans turned against them.  All of them had been removed.  The cabinet that normally held MMM’s television and seemingly endless stacks of pornographic DVDs was open, but its shelves held several questionable looking trophies from uptight organizations and various account ledgers and binders.  The portrait of the Queen still stared down disapprovingly.  Elaine wondered if Mary had bothered to look closely at it.  The canvas was double sided, the opposite side featuring a starkly naked, dorsal view of the Queen, including the artistic speculation of a crudely tattooed anchor on the right buttock.

“Miss Blonde.  So good to finally meet you.”  Mary rose from behind the desk and came around to offer Elaine a cold, dry hand.  Elaine could not help noticing the completely unnatural way the woman walked.  The region from her collar bones to her knees remained stiff and entirely unmoving, as if held under unyielding tension.  Her blonde hair was immaculately styled, and her features would be pretty if there had been even the barest hint of sincerity or warmth in her greeting.  Elaine’s elbows itched with the desire to smash Mary’s Whitebread’s teeth so far down her throat that the next time she wished to offer up that patently false smile, she would be forced to lift her skirts.

“Smashing.” Elaine managed to keep her reply verbal rather than physical.  “I am to understand that you have a mission for me.”

“Yes.  How perceptive of you.”  Mary said with a smoothly practiced condescension.  “My predecessor was exceedingly lax in ensuring those arrested by his operatives received proper legal considerations.  I have of course made great efforts in rectifying this completely unforgivable lapse, and you will pleased to know that will be handing over several of these suspects to the appropriate authorities.”

Elaine caught herself at the last possible moment, her cocked elbow failing utterly to break, or even connect with Mary’s jaw.  The reason for her distraction was manifest.  Trish’s boss, Felicia Biter had pushed through the door.  Mary gaped.  Felicia was worth a gape or two.  Perhaps three.  Four if you were inclined that way.  In deference to the sombre situation of MMM’s condition, Felicia wore a black pillbox hate, with a lace veil that shrouded her dark eyes.  It was the only item of clothing that she was wearing.  While MMM was a peeping tom, his American counterpart was an unbridled exhibitionist, who exposed her lush, tanned body at every single opportunity.

“What do you think you are doing?  That is utterly obscene and entirely unacceptable.”  Mary managed, averting her eyes from Felicia’s body.  That is illegal and I shall have you arrested for indecent exposure.”

“You are certainly welcome to try.”  Felicia produced an ID and displayed it.  Mary looked as if she were about to faint away.  Elaine merely nodded.  It was not often that you saw diplomatic credentials of that caliber, not to mention someone producing them from that particular location.  A lack of pockets did not seem to hamper Felicia in that regard.

“You are my American counterpart then.”  Trying to regain the upper hand when you are completely unable to look at another person was difficult, but with her nose in the air and a snide sniff, Mary made a valiant effort.  Felicia was utterly unperturbed, except for that fact that as of yet Mary had made no effort to check her out.  Such lapses were almost entirely foreign to Felicia.  Elaine decided that if Mary was not willing to check Felicia out, she would.

“Now Elaine.”  Mary interrupted as Elaine was in serious contemplation of Felicia’s peaked right nipple.  “We will be handing over several suspects to the Americans; I require that you and Miss Halliday and…”

Elaine gaped, while Mary paled and then turned an outraged shade of red.  Taking a page from Felecia’s book, Trish had surreptitiously slipped out of her clothes and was standing next to Felicia.  They made a lovely pair, both had beautiful Californian tans, with no sign of there ever having been a swimsuit between their skin and the sun.  Trish’s lithe figure, with its toned muscles and Felicia’s more robust, padded curves.  Both had recently enjoyed bikini waxes.  Felicia’s sex was smooth and hairless, while Trish had maintained a thin strip of hair that advertised that her red hair was entirely natural.

“Here are my credentials.”  Trish bent over and smiled at Mary from between her own legs.  She continued the stretch until it appeared that she might demonstrate that a particular, common epithet was not only possible, but highly enjoyable.  She straightened easily and held out a card.

“You were saying.”  Elaine prodded.  It took several long moments for Mary to regain her voice.

“You are to accompany the transfer of Allotta Tongue and Buxomly Maid to the Americans.  You will be flying on commercial flight…”

“Commercial flight 69.”  Felicia supplied helpfully, perching herself on the corner of the desk and crossing her legs in a motion that would not have looked out of place in a Basic Instinct interrogation.  “I was going to book you on flight 96, but then you would owe me one.”

“You will have first class to yourself.”  Mary had developed a twitch.  Elaine could almost read the uptight woman’s mind.  She wanted to remove Felicia from her desk and then disinfect the corner in case any hint of naked bottom contamination remained.  “I trust that you will be able to accomplish this without incident.”

“Affirmative.”  Elaine considered the situation for a moment.  “Has Allotta been allowed to make contact with her legal representation?”

“Yes, of course, why wouldn’t she.”  Mary said sharply.  “Really Miss Blonde, you are your department have been rather cavalier with the legal rights of those you have arrested.”

“Does this transfer of information include the date, time and flight that she is to transported on?”  Elaine’s elbow itched.

“I should think so.”  Mary waved a hand dismissively.  “After all, it is hardly a matter for secrecy.”

“Elaine, you should consider seeing X for equipment.”  Felicia interjected before Elaine exploded in what would have quickly become a career ending beating of her immediate supervisor.  “I am sure that she would be happy to see you.”

“Excellent, a trip down to the labs.”  Mary managed to make it sound like it had been her idea in the first place.  “I am sure that they will be able to adequately equip you for what is likely to be a simple task.”

As Trish and Felicia headed out, Mary made a short gesture that brought Elaine up short.

“Horrible people.”  Mary’s face wrinkled in a disgusted moue.  “I am certainly pleased that you did not engage in such base behaviors.  I thought that they might begin fornicating right there.  Now, to business.  My predecessor had several important documents that I have not been able to locate, do you have any idea where he might have stored them?”

“He never confided that in me.”  Elaine paused.  It had started.  Mary was trying to undo whatever blackmail items MMM had put in place, or more likely, co-opt them for her own devices.  Well, that was not cricket, and certainly not worthy of an answer.  Or rather worthy of a correct answer.  “I think he might have hidden them behind the portrait of the Queen, God bless her.”

“Excellent, you’ll go far with us.”  Mary smiled with cold condescension.  “Well let’s not keep our top scientists waiting.”


* * *  2  * * *


“What in the name of all that is holy is going on here!”  Mary stamped a foot as she surveyed the lab.  It took Elaine a moment to figure out what was going on.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  X’s domain was as it was expected to be.  Her assistants were rushing about, their bodies barely covered in the minimal amount of leather strapping required to create the illusion of decency, along with open white lab coats and safety glasses.  All of them were lovely women, and several bore the long red welts of X’s riding crop.  Everyone looked happy, and they would occasionally bump clumsily into their mistress, in hopes of collecting yet another sweet kiss from her crop.

Okay, perhaps not everything was quite as it was normally.  Dee, X’s American counterpart and favourite submissive was suspended naked from the ceiling by a few strands of rope.  Below her, Suki – a ravishing, dark-haired Oriental woman, and Marlene, a busty blonde, were brandishing clubs.  Clubs was probably too offensive and imprecise a word.  Large, flexible, dildos was far more accurate.  The two women were currently locked in an epic struggle to be declared X’s premier hench-babe.  Competition was fierce and neither one had yet to definitely oust their rival.

“Ah Elaine you are just in time.”  X walked over with a decidedly predatory air, her riding crop slapping casually against her thigh high black boots.  The chief scientist, or rather chief mad scientist, was dressed in her usual work attire, spotlessly clean white lab coat, black leather boots, tight leather shorts and a black leather bustier that barely kept her spectacular breasts in check.  X’s features were coldly Nordic, high cheek bones, pale blue eyes and long blonde hair pulled back tightly and twisted into two long braids that fell past her leather sheathed backside.  She was tall, over six feet and her physique was lovely and curved in all the right places, but with little doubt of the powerful muscles that lurked dangerously under the smooth, pale, skin.

“I take it that Dee lost her most recent challenge.”  Elaine did her best to ignore Mary’s outraged, inarticulate sputtering.

“Spectacularly so.”  X confirmed languidly.  “With Suki and Marlene at each others throats I thought a little competition might clear the air.  Each is equipped with a rather special toy, primed with several doses of statue spray.  Gold for Suki and marble for Marlene.  Each dose is not enough to cause complete petrification, but a few successive hits shall do the job.”

“Let me get this straight.”  Elaine watched amused as Suki and Marlene pulled on blindfolds.  “You are letting them whack Dee with dildos, their goal being transforming her into a petrified piñata?”

“You don’t approve?”  There was a dangerous catch in X’s voice.  “Or do I detect a hint of sympathy for my darling Dee, who shall be at the center of this maelstrom.  Really Elaine, I thought that much would be obvious.”

“X!”  Dee cried out as the tall scientist approached.  “This is really embarrassing!  Can we just get it over with!”

“In time my precious one.”  X took the dildo from Marlene’s hand and made a slight adjustment.  She swung it in a quick, precise motion, causing it to skate across Dee’s small, peaked breasts.

“Oh boy! Oh boy! OhboyOhboyOhboyOhboy!”  Dee’s eyed closed as she writhed ecstatically, her body swinging around randomly as she climaxed repeatedly.

“It would hardly be an easy task if she were to remain motionless.”  X handed the dildo back.  “I have added my own theta-band emitters to the devices, so each contact will be an entirely enjoyable experience for Dee.  As it should be.  Marlene.  Suki.  You may begin.”

Elaine watched.  The two women squared off and saluted each other with their weapons, the floppy rubber dongs waving happily with the motion.  Dee continued to swing in happy, orgasm fuelled arcs over them.  Suki attempted a tentative swing, but missed; while Marlene held back, her head cocked, listening for the excited ‘Oh boy’ that would allow her to strike the target.

“Gotcha.”  Suki crowed, her dildo slapping against Dee’s thigh, leaving a patch of gold that crept across one of Dee’s pert buttocks before stopping.  Dee’s orgasmic cries rose further.  Elaine smiled as Marlene’s strategy became apparent.  She was not listening for Dee after all, but had other plans.  As quick as a snake, Marlene stepped up and smacked Suki with the dildo.  The oriental woman cried out in pleasure, a wave of marble covering her left breast.  It was said that no plan survives contact with the enemy; and unfortunately this maxim played out.  Still cooing in pleasure, Suki struck Marlene, and soon both were wrestling on the ground, repeated strikes leaving them decorated in patches of marble and gold.  Then the pleasure of the strikes took over both of them and they were no longer fighting at all, but rather heartily enjoying using their toys on each other.

“Champion.” Elaine breathed.  The two statues lay entwined on the floor.  Marlene, glittering in gold, on top, her head thrown back in pleasure, Suki, saphically stone on the bottom, her features mischievous through the pleasure.  “Though I daresay that you shall have to declare this contest a draw.”

“It is a debasing, carnal, indulgence of inappropriate lust and fornication and has no place in my organization.”  Mary fumed, her features flush with anger.  “Just what do you think you are doing here?”

“Science!”  X announced proudly, stalking towards Mary with slow, predatory strides.  “And who are you to tell me what is appropriate in my laboratory.”

“I am your superior!”  Mary said with a haughty sniff.

“You are in charge of this organization.”  X corrected with an icy sneer.  “That doesn’t mean you are my superior or dominant.  What is so important that you feel the need to interrupt my research?”

“I want you to equip Miss Blonde with the devices I requested yesterday.”  Mary tried to take command of the situation, but her tone was entirely wasted on X’s cool indifference.

“I do recall Marlene bringing that memo to my attention.”  X’s crop snapped across Marlene’s glittering golden buttocks.  “She knew it would anger me, and I spanked her rather excessively before doing the sensible thing.”

“You created the devices then.”  Mary said.  “Bring them out.”

“I said I did the sensible thing.  I threw the memo out.”  X said.  “What were you thinking?  A pen filled with lethal nerve gas?  Explosive grenades cunningly disguised as tubes of lipstick?  A ceramic .45 caliber pistol that breaks down into undetectable components, with armour piercing bullets?  Disgusting.”

“What?”  Mary was past condescending and haughty sniffs and was now shouting.  “I ordered you to create those items!”

“You failed to read my contract.”  X said with icy calm.  “I do not create lethal weapons.  It is a moral high ground that I refuse to yield.”

“So you’ve spend your time messing around with… toys!”  Mary exploded, “Debased, perverted tools of lust and fornication!  You call that moral?”

“You are a sad, sick, woman.”  X shook her head.  “I create wonderful things that bring pleasure and harm no one.  You want things that kill?  Any fool can do that; your morality embraces killing when you do not have to; yet shudders at the fear of the purity of pleasure and the sublime, spiritual, experience of a good, hard, fuck.  That is debased and perverted and I shall be no party to it.”

“Then you give me no choice.”  Mary glared.  “If you do not do as I say, you shall be removed from this service and I shall personally make certain that no other agency will hire you anywhere in Britain and…”

Elaine bit down hard on her tongue, hoping the pain would keep the smile from spreading across her features.  Mary had stopped berating X and had taken a step back, growing pale.  X hadn’t moved.  X didn’t have to.  Mary had suddenly realized the danger that the tall, blonde scientist represented.  It was like she had stepped into a jungle clearing and came face to face with a lean and hungry tiger.  There would be no mercy.

“Your request for lethal arms has breached the terms of my contract.”  X smiled.  “We can no longer work together and I shall take my leave.  Elaine, I shall be in touch at a later date.”

X snapped her fingers.  Lab coats and glasses were contemptuously thrown to the floor in front of Mary as the lab assistant divested themselves of the badges of their profession.  They paraded in front of X, each bowing and collecting a whistling smack on the bottom as they passed.  The last four hoisted Suki and Marlene up and carried them out.  With a final, cold, smile, X strode out, leaving Elaine and Mary standing amidst the discarded lab coats.

“So no equipment then.  Oh bother.”  Elaine said, keeping her voice even.  “Well, best foot forward, tally ho and all of that.  Shall we be off?”

“That woman!”  Mary stomped out.  “This shall not go unpunished!”  Elaine smiled at her back, and blew an entirely undignified, silent, raspberry. 

“Um… Elaine.  Before you go…”  Dee called down from above.  “Can you untie me?”

* * *

“She didn’t!”  Trish laughed aloud and kicked her heels in the air.  “I wish I had been there!”

“It was a momentary pleasure.”  Elaine sank deeper into the entirely uncomfortable airport chair.  “This is getting bloody worse every single second.  First MMM is taken from us, and now X has abandoned the organization.  I cannot say I blame her either.  My career is now entirely beholden to an awful, prudish woman of highly questionable competency.”

“You could come work for us.”  Trish offered.  “Felicia would welcome you with opens arms.  Mouth.  Legs.  Pretty much anything that can be opened in greeting.”

“You are very sweet to offer.”  Elaine said.  “But I fear that I cannot.  While the occasional Lesbian Cat Girl Theatre role would be a distraction, I am a servant to her majesty and Britain.  I could no more give up spying for Britain than I could…”

“Give up cunnilingus?”  Trish supplied.  “Dildos?  Intense sweaty gropes with curvy foreign nationals?”

“I suspect that I shall be giving those up anyway.”  Elaine said.  “At least while on duty; I shall just have to pursue them in my free time; one should not lack for hobbies.  Now can we return our attention to the task at hand?”

“That depends on where you intend to place that hand.”  Trish teased, making a show of running a hand over the zipper of her tight, cut-off shorts.  She grinned as Elaine frowned dramatically.  “Very well.  Allotta Tongue and Buxomly Maid should be arriving on the plane shortly.  Let’s go over the passenger list.”

“We have the members of the Alamo Kickers cheerleader squad.”  Elaine read.  “They are returning from a debate on feminism and the modern cheerleader at Eton.  I am to understand that their debating skills are questionable, but their agility in the more intimate moments of the après-debate party was rather spectacular.”

“We also have the models from Playbabe’s Girls of The Tower of London pictorial.”  Elaine traced her finger down the list.  “And the Members of the Sisters of Sappho Poetry and Slam Dance Club, they are headed to their annual spiritual retreat on the Vegas Strip.  Look I am all for coincidence, but this list is beginning to make me suspicious.”

“It could just be lucky chance.”  Trish offered.

“Luck is merely probability taken personally.”  Elaine said dryly.  “That having been said, I have rather pressing doubts that this is all a rather champion coincidence.  Admittedly my karmic wheel seems to have been punctured, but I refuse to believe that when I opened the boot to get the spare, I found a brand new tire, and a team of scantily clad race girls to install it, balance it, rotate it, and do the same to me while I wait.”

“Well I do have a little surprise for you.”  Trish leaned over and kissed her friend deeply, her tongue thrusting between Elaine’s lips and engaging the blonde spy’s tongue in a no holds barred wrestling match.

“Surprise!”  Trish pulled back.  Elaine drew in a shaky breath and opened her eyes.  The surprise was entirely welcome.

“Hi Elaine.”  Dee had recovered her clothes, such as they were.  A swag t-shirt from a scientific supplies company and plain, loose shorts; her petite feet wrapped in plain, athletic, running shoes.  That was all secondary.  What was enticing was the carry-on bag that she had slung over one shoulder; she handed it over.

“Am I to understand you are equipping me for this mission?”  Elaine felt a weight lift from her already laden chest.

“I’m equipping both of you.”  Dee’s eyes were sad behind her overlarge, round, glasses.  “I managed to catch up with X and she had a few things handy.  What’s going to happen to her?”

“Well, I rather hope that Mary makes good on her threat of black-listing her.”  Elaine said.  “As she will bring an end to my Mary Whitebread problem, with something approaching extreme prejudice.”

“You don’t think X would kill her, do you?”  Dee said with a catch of fear in her voice.

“Of course not.”  Elaine said.  “I know that X will not kill her; that would be far too kind; but I have little doubt that she would be unable to maintain her position as spy mistress after X places several pieces of Louis the Fifteenth furniture in areas that are simply not designed to accommodate Louis the Fifteenth furniture.”

“Good.”  Dee nodded, her face lighting up.  “Okay, so I’ve got some new toys for you.  The bag features an X-flective inner coating.  When you put it through the x-ray machine it will appear to hold only the usual things, underwear, paperbacks, hairbrush and the usual stuff.  I have included golden guns for you and Trish, along with holsters and ammo.  There’s a bottle of X’s water breathing pills.”

“What the devil are these?”  Elaine said as she dug into the bag.  She held up a pair of brightly stuffed parrots.  The gonks were made of a silky material and featured colourful feathers and elaborate crests.

“Parrot-chutes.”  Dee explained happily.  “Squeeze them between your breasts and they expand into a harness and personal parachute.”

“Oooh.”  Trish grabbed one and hugged it.  “I’m calling mine Polly-amorous.”

“I shall settle for Polly-glottal.”  Elaine returned her attention to the bag.  “Dee?  Am I mistaken, or are there two masses of fake pubic hair in here.”

“You aren’t mistaken.”  Dee said.  “I’m really proud of those.  I don’t think you’ll need them but I really wanted to show them off.”

“Dee.”  Elaine considered.  “I happen to know that you are over the age of consent and are quite capable of growing pubic hair; but if you wanted to show them off there are other venues; such as the laboratory earlier.”

“No!  I didn’t grow these.”  Dee said.

“I thought not.”  Elaine considered.  “The blonde matches my own rather well, and that red is quite definitely that delightful shade known as Trish.”

“I call them the Little Furmaids.”  Dee said.  “They are dehydrated, micro-fiber polymer machines.  When you dunk them in water they expand into a mer-tail, complete with a powerful propulsion engine, heaters to ward off hypothermia and a density belt for depth control.”

“That is impressive.”  Elaine considered a small case.  “Am I to assume that this contains contact lenses for underwater vision?”

“Yep!”  Dee nodded.  “Blue green filtered with light amplification.”

“Well this is all champion.”  Elaine glanced towards the arrival gate.  “Our plane is moving to the boarding ramp.  Cheers Dee, we’ll see you when we return.”


* * *  3  * * *


The interior of the jet was everything that modern luxury avionics aspired to.  It was clean, and featured smooth design lines that allowed the eye to flow over them with little or no effort.  The colours were muted and soothing.   The aisle carpet was smooth and bore the tell tales signs of a recent, thorough vacuuming.  Elaine’s lips puckered in an amused moue.  Carpet was, in the entirely inappropriate vernacular, intended to be licked; however the occasional machine, especially one equipped with a variety of attachments was not unwelcome.  There had already been some pre-boarding and Elaine could see clusters of women in the coach class leaning over in conversation.  A cute blonde stewardess, he uniform clinging to an enticingly lithe frame, directed them up the stairs towards first class.

“I was thinking about the carpet too.”  Trish said from beside Elaine, making an almost imperceptible nod to the unmistakable signs that Elaine’s nipples were peaked and straining to leap through the thin fabric of her white silk blouse.

“Look Trish, I’m just a little nipplous… nervous about this mission.”  Elaine said.  “We are in a plane full of beautiful women, transporting known kidnappers and statue fetishists back to the states, and I fear that my wholly incompetent superior has not exactly been secretive about the whole affair.”

“You think something is going to bust out?”  Trish teased, pushing past Elaine for the sole purpose of sliding her breasts across Elaine’s nipples.  “Well remember you are British, still upper lip and breast foot forward.”

“Another pass like that and I fear they shall thrust out a foot forward.”  Elaine gasped.  “And while my upper lip is indeed stiff, I fear the nether set is positively slick.”

“Look Blondie.”  The teasing tone dropped from Trish’s voice.  “Are you up for this? I’m usually the one who goes into these missions with my panties out of control.”

“You don’t wear panties, I will be fine.”  Elaine said.  “As you well know I spent several weeks as the frozen captive of Allotta Tongue and Buxomly Maid.  That is not the sort of thing you are soon to forget, and admittedly, a certain part, well several parts to be brutally honest, of me wishes to be back under their sway.  That having been said, I have since found far better alternatives; provided that you are willing, once we reach the States and hand off our charges, to turn me into a statue and have your wicked way with me for an extended period of time.”

“Oh Oh! Twist my arm.”  Trish smiled.  “I think I can fit you into my schedule.  My bed.  My shower.  That lovely nook in my living room.”

“Champion.”  Elaine drew in a deep breath, held it for a moment then exhaled slowly.  “Well, let us ascend the staircase and see if we can ascertain what difficulties our prisoners have in store for us.”

* * *

First class was first rate.  Rather than the unimaginative rows of comfortable seats, the layout was centered around islands of well padded leather chairs, allowing small groups to sit in comfort for extended discussions.  The stewardess, short, blonde, perky and missing at least one button from her blouse, directed them towards the only other passengers.  Allotta tongue lounged in one of the chairs, her long, shining black hair falling over one shoulder.  Her shackled hands held a copy of Better Homes and Gardens - a magazine dedicated to architecture, design and style of the better homes, and she was slowly turning the pages, a small smile playing across her features.  In the seat across from her, Buxomly Maid, strongly muscled and enticingly busty, was flipping the pages of Butter Gnomes and Wardens - a magazine dedicated to design, style and recreational activities in the better women‘s prisons..

“Buxomly, it looks like we will be seeing a welcome resurgence of Greek inspired architecture in the near future.”  Allotta held up the magazine to display a photo spread of well tended topiary.

“That’s not the only thing in the Greek style that’s coming back.”  Buxomly agreed holding up her magazine.  The topiary had been trimmed to the point where it could only be described as ‘baby smooth.’

Elaine concentrated on her breathing.  The duo was deliberately ignoring her, which was good as she was having a spot of bother at the moment, her mind caught up in the memory of being turned to stone, the first time it had happened to her.  They had repeatedly pleasured her over the course of several weeks.  The genesis of her statue fetish; they say you always remember your first time.

“Allotta, Buxomly.”  Elaine took a seat and looked over the pair carefully.  Their restraints were properly secured.  Not good enough; they had been brought by the local constabulary and it was highly unlikely that the pair had been properly monitored.  “Very well, let us get this over with.”

“As you wish.”  Allotta carefully marked the page of her magazine and rose from her chair, walking around it slowly, to best display her long, tanned legs.  Her sparse dress rode up as she leant forward and placed her hands on the back of the seat.  With a sigh, Buxomly rose and did the same.

“Now if you move I shall be forced to do something unpleasant.”  Elaine said, starting a thorough search.  She ran her fingers through the long, black hair, seeking anything that might be lodged there.  From there she began checking her, from back to front.  Allotta began to gasp in pleasure, her breath coming faster and faster as Elaine’s hands patted and slid over her.  As Elaine slid a hand under the Allotta’s dress the criminal mastermind started grinding her hips against the probing hand with slow, circular motions.

“I am nearly there.”  Allotta managed from between clenched teeth.  “Continue.”

“While one can bring oneself to the brink of climax.”  Elaine said as dryly as her damp fingers would allow.  “The act itself in an involuntary, uncontrolled reflex.”

“Yes!” Allotta’s hips rocked back and forth.

“Precisely.”  Elaine continued.  “You have just experienced what an American law enforcement officer would describe as search and seizure.”

“Elaine!” Trish winced, momentarily pausing in her exploration of Buxomly’s cleavage, the mam-tastic mounds capable of concealing all manner of things.  “That was just painful.”

“Truly it was.”  Elaine tossed a pair of handcuffs onto the seat.  “But it distracted Allotta and allowed me to slip a pair of real handcuffs onto her.  The bog standard ones will open with a hairpin and a little skill.  These are a product of X’s laboratory, and as you well know, she is a master of restraint.”

“Kinky?  She’s a master of restraints.”  Trish mused.  “But doesn’t know the first thing about restraint.”

“Well put.”  Elaine smiled.  The perky blonde stewardess was watching from the stairs, one hand tucked under her jacket, massaging her right breast.  “Don’t be obvious about looking, but I do believe we have made a new friend.”

“Nice.  Mile high?”  Trish sent Buxomly back to her seat with a good natured slap on her bottom.  The handmaid gave a wink and a wiggle and resumed her seat and her magazine, lasciviously cocking a leg and placing it on the arm rest.  “Can you wait for takeoff?”

“I would, but I fear the delay would allow you the opportunity to go first.”  Elaine said.  “As I am quite sure that you are not willing to wait for takeoff to… takeoff.”

“True.  Guilty as charged.”  Trish admitted.  “Under normal circumstances, but you have suffered several devastating blo…events; and I can’t deny you a ‘coffee, tea and me’ moment.  I’ll keep an eye on the prisoners and work on my new script.”

“Champion, I will wait until we reach the appropriate elevation.”  Elaine resumed her seat across from Allotta and Buxomly.  The pair were faking obliviousness to their manacles and guards; but it was strained.  Elaine continued to watch.  There was an odd tension around Allotta’s shoulders, quite at odds with someone who had just experienced a loud and forceful orgasm.  The climax had not been fake, so it stood to reason that the tension was also real.  A muffled squeak drew Elaine’s attention.

“Oooh.  I’m so good.”  Trish’s thumbs danced on the surface of the electronic device she was holding.  Elaine nodded.  It looked like one of the newest amalgam of phone and microcomputer that were all the rage with the conspicuously technical and well funded.  While it would be understandable to see Dee brought to an ecstatic state by such a device, Trish was less easily impressed, that is unless the device had three speeds and a cornucopia of easily lubricated peripherals.

“Dee made this.  She calls it a Rosie Palm Pilot.”  Trish explained, her hips almost imperceptibly bucking in her seat.  “Intent recognition software creates a theta-band wave feedback for the user; if you write or read pleasurable things, there is an appropriate feedback.

“So I take it you are writing your next film.”  Elaine nodded as Trish continued to manipulate the device.

“No.”  Trish bit her lower lip and bounced slightly on her seat.  Her nipples stood out clearly through her thin shirt as she climaxed.  “Yeeessss.  I was just cleaning out my spam folder.  Hot Milf on Milf action, barely legal teens, hot lesbian seductions.”

“I am impressed.”  Elaine nodded gravely.  “It is too bad that Dee is not eligible for the OBE, as she has single-handedly, or rather in an entirely hands free fashion, transformed pornographic spam into an asset.  At the very least she deserves a well done, or to be well done.”

“Okay.  Finished.”  Trish paused and then resumed thumb typing.  “Trish Holiday and the Lesbian Cat Girl Theatre present… present… A little help here.”

“Are you actually lacking for inspiration?”  Elaine said, taken slightly aback.

“Nope.  Just wanted a dramatic lead in.”  Trish smiled wickedly.  “Trish Holiday and the Lesbian Cat Girl Theatre present Flash Gorgon!  Queen of the Impossible!  Follow the adventures of Flash Gorgon and her companions Bondage Queen (and statue fetishist)  Flail Harden and mad scientist Dr. Bra-off, along with Vulva of the Hawk People and Princess Bare’em of Labioria,  These hot and horny cat girls have their hands full of more than each other as they try and thwart the mad, petrifying, machinations of Minx the Merciless.”

“Okay.  I’m not going to wait.”  Elaine shuddered and then rose to her feet.  “Trish it is bloody brilliant; and I do not have the advantage of release that your toy allows you.  Please restrain your enthusiasm to such an extent that you can monitor our prisoners.”

Elaine made her way towards the washroom.  She pressed past the pert blonde stewardess, ensuring that she pressed the entirety of her body against the young woman.  It was not a subtle come one, but between frisking Allotta and listening to the teaser to Trish’s newest script, she was in no condition to engage in a subtle, nuanced seduction.  It was a tribute to her rabidly eroding restraint that she did not scoop up the stewardess and carry her off.  Thankfully there was no need to resort to Saxon violence and the stewardess followed her as if on a string.

“Excuse me Miss.”  The stewardess bit at her lower lip.  “But we will be taking off shortly.”

“Then we had better hurry.”  Elaine opened the washroom door and dragged the stewardess in.  There was not even a token resistance.  The pert woman made a lovely warm armful and Elaine wasted no time in coaxing her out of her uniform; be careful to carefully place each item out of the way so the young woman would not have to work in wrinkled clothes.

“Oooh.”  Her pert bottom perched on the sink, the stewardess wrapped herself around Elaine, forcing the blonde spy’s head down.  Elaine didn’t require any further urging and let her tongue have free play over the peaked breasts, slowly circling around each areola.  The stewardess arched her back even further as Elaine’s clever fingers worked against her sex, working it open with gently urgency. 

“Attention all passengers.”  The intercom crackled to life.  The voice was a perfect soprano that carried the unmistakable snap of practiced authority.  “This is Captain Onher Furrington.  I shall be, along with my co-pilot Andie FitzJackie, responsible for you during this trip.  We shall be taxiing for takeoff in fifteen minutes, so you will have that long to return all stewardesses to the upright position.  That will be all.”

“Fitzjackie?”  Elaine paused.

“She does.”  The stewardess redirected Elaine’s mouth to the job at hand.  “By the way, I’m Jackie.”

“So Andie Fits Jackie while the Captain is on her?”  Elaine nodded, her tongue moving up and down with the motion.  “My word, but that is a mouthful.”

“I thought you’d never ask!”  Jackie enthused, wrapping her legs around Elaine’s shoulders.

“Mayday.  Mayday.”  Elaine’s tongue traced down the stewardess’s tight belly, circling the belly button before sliding even lower.  “We are going down.  Repeat.  We are going down.”

“It’s going to be a wet landing.”  Jackie urged.

“Do you want to try something special?”  Elaine paused in her teasing.

“Oh yes.  Ooooh!”  Jackie started as Elaine slid the golden toy into her sex and began working it gently back and forth.


“Do you like my toy?”  Elaine’s tongue flicked against Jackie’s clit as she continued to work the vibrator back and forth.  “It can feel even better if you want.”

“I want! I want!”  Jackie was working her hips against Elaine’s tongue.  That was all the urging that Elaine needed.  She withdrew her tongue and pressed the button.

“What!”  Caught mid climax, Jackie started as the wave of gold erupted from around her sex, sliding across her skin like a wave.  She tried to pull away, but it was too late. 

The gold slid over her arms, and froze her breasts mid bounce; finally the gold closed over her features; her mouth agape, her eyes wide in a mixture of pleasure, surprise and a touch of fear.



“This must be your first time as a statue.”  Elaine continued to lick the glittering golden pussy, her tongue teasing the immobile folds of her sex.  “Don’t worry, I will be turning you back shortly.  Until then, let’s enjoy our time together.”





Continues in Part 4...