THE ALCHEMIST

Part 2

by Wolverine

Two people, one Lithuanian man, one Russian woman, driving in van down M4 motorway with van full of gold figures and some other things including silver magical wand. If we had accident and crashed, I say to Anna, police would be very puzzled.

She say,

“I like your sense of humour, Marijus! I’m waiting to see what you do to the cunts.” I am puzzled.

“With cunts there is one obvious thing to do,” I say. “Maybe some other possibilities, but not many.” She laughs.

“No, Marijus, I mean the women you’ve turned to gold. I want to see you play with them!”

“Of course. You save my life. Small present in return,” I say.

A bit later I also say,

“Who are these people in Bristol? Not more Russian mafia?” She does not reply right away.

“Not mafia, but they were planning to use them. Small criminals. They need a strong leader. They will follow me.”

“You, not me?”

“Us both, Marijus. We’re a team!”

I am still not quite sure about her, but after all, she save my life and she kills good. About these people in Bristol I reserve judgement.

She take us to a place in Bristol called St Paul’s, nearly all black people, and to a small café. The tables are dirty but the coffee is surprisingly good. We wait. A young Chinese guy comes by, sees Anna and shouts,

“Hi, Sophia! Fantastic! Where have you been? And who is this?”

“Hi, Paul. This is Karl. He’s from Austria,” she replies. “He’s my sister’s boyfriend.”

“Wow! He should meet Eva. She’s Austrian,” he says. Anna gets up like this is really good idea to meet this Eva – so I get up too. Paul, if that is his name, leads us into the kitchen area and straight through it into a small room. I think if Anna is trapping me, this is when I find out. Police, gangsters, intelligence, all the same.

In the room there is sitting one old Chinese man and one young woman, pretty sexy but flat chest like all these women. She looks at me kind of calculating. The old man looks at me calmly, like he expects what he sees. The young Chinese guy stands by the door like a guard.

“Lord, this is Marijus,” says Anna. He does not look like small criminal to me. Either he is no criminal or he is big. He looks me in the face still.

“So – Marijus. I have heard a lot about you,” he says. “You need not call me ‘Lord’: that is just a nickname. You call me Arthur. I call you Marijus.”

“What do you want, Arthur? What’s the deal?”

“You have something special. It makes gold. Also if a man has an enemy, or someone who is inconvenient, in a country like Britain it is not so easy just to kill or make disappear. Bodies can be more inconvenient than living rivals or law-people. But with your special thing, the inconvenient person becomes a little gold statue. If people find it, they are interested and curious, but it is not the missing person they are looking for and it is no good as evidence against the person who has it. This is the deal, Marijus: we protect you, for you have dangerous enemies. We give you information. We fence the gold, if you want. We help you trap people you want. In return, we take 25% of the gold, and if we tell you someone to turn to gold, you do it.”

“Are you able to protect me? Those enemies include Russian mafia and secret services of two countries at least.” He shrugged.

“100% you cannot be sure. However, there are two people at bottom of Irish Sea who would have interested you – one Sicilian gentleman who wanted to break into our business and did not use honourable methods – and one crime reporter girl. Both feeding fishes. We are not small time, Marijus.”

“No, you’re not,” I thought, so Anna was lying. What’s her real game?”

“What about Anna?” I asked the old man. “Is she part of this?”

“That, Marijus, is entirely up to you. I understood she was working with you, but that is quite new, so if you wish to get rid of her, we can do it for you.”

“Was that bluff?” I wondered. Maybe I should find out.

“She’s nothing to me, Arthur, and I’m not sure she isn’t filth. Get rid of her – fine.” Now Anna spoke.

“Marijus! No! He’s serious. He’ll kill me! I thought we were friends! I saved your life!”

“Maybe that wasn’t a good move,” I said. “Why have you been lying to me?”

“I haven’t been lying! Oh, God! It’s because I said these people were petty criminals! I didn’t know Arthur was in on it!” I slapped her face.

“You called him ‘Lord’ and you weren’t surprised to see him,” I said. “Arthur – did she know you were in this thing?”

“Sure,” said the old man levelly. “Is the wand in that bag or in the van?”

It was in the bag.

“Nice knowing you, Anna,” I said, and hit her with it. Her face was real funny. Her eyes were still wide when they turned to gold. The three Chinese watched with big interest. The girl darted forward and felt the nice gold statue all over. She looked up and I saw I was her hero. That was good, very useful.

“Actually, I told her to say we were small time criminals,” said the old man. I laughed. The girl laughed.

“And this girl, what is name?” I asked.

“Suzy,” he said. “She know white from Wong!” He shook with laughter. I laughed too, though I not understand joke. Suzy laughed. Anna not laugh. Then he tell me the young guy is Paul and they are all one team. “One happy team,” he says, and laughs again.

So soon I learn some things from Arthur. He has quite big operation, but not as big as Russian or Sicilian Mafia. His special thing is jewels and precious metals, but also protection racket (“arms-length, because quite risky” he says). I tell him all Anna told me and at every point he says, “that is true,” until I feel maybe I shouldn’t have hit her because she was useful and I think good sex. But I can still have sex when I revive her. But then he tell me she had ally before me and he was agent of Chinese government. So she became agent of that government. Arthur also has relations with Chinese government, but he not want them so close. I guess maybe he is cheating them or there is something else he not want them to know. Fine with me. I agree the deal with him. I get house, bodyguards (Suzy and very big, grim-faced Chinese called Tom) who are supposed to be married couple renting from me. I get new identity – not Karl the Austrian, but Thor Sigurdsson, Icelandic businessman. I have to learn where Iceland is and some things else about it, but not learn Icelandic.

Arthur leaves me alone some time, except he comes to fuck my statues. Sometimes he comes with Paul, sometimes Sammy, sometimes a big Chinese guy, sometimes a big black guy. He is never alone: I think he has enemies. He likes Anna very much, also the second girl I took because he likes young ones, but best of all he likes nice curvy stupid PC Silver. He is discerning man. I find my way around Bristol, do a couple of easy jobs to keep my hand in, play with the gold ladies. I was right: Anna is great fuck. I miss her talking, but not much. Cop girl is still my favourite and I talk to her. I am in no hurry to make more statues – probably first is when Arthur gives me a commission. I want to fuck Suzy but not offend Tom. I think she is really his girlfriend.

Then one night I am reading sex story on my new computer when doorbell ring. Suzy answers and calls,

“Thor – it’s for you.”

It is beautiful, beautiful English girl, quite small, short hair almost black but blue eyes, small features, nice little tits, neat legs. She is maybe student, maybe younger, but neat clothes – good fit clean jeans, pale yellow top, new black and white trainers. She has collection box. She smiles sweet smile, looking up at me.

“Hello! Sorry to bother you. I’m collecting for the NSPCC…” I think that sounds like political party – National Socialist? Communist? I didn’t think the British had either. But she goes on: “Sorry! The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children. Is there any chance you could give us something?”

I give you something, smiley nice well-brought-up English cunt, I think. I say:

“Just a minute.” She smiles again. She is great one for smiling, stupid cow. Suzy hangs around.

I bring the censer. She looks startled:

“Oh, gosh! No, we couldn’t possibly…”

I jab it in her face, right on her pretty little snub nose, which spurts blood, only the blood does not get very far because it turns to solid gold. I lift her inside. Arthur will like her a lot! I open collection box and find nearly fifty pounds. I take empty box to waste bin in bit of St Pauls no nice girls go to. Now no evidence except small golden statue!

When I get back Suzy is fondling gold statue. She looks up at me and says,

“Oh, God, Marijus! That was fantastic, unbelievable! I’m really turned on by it! Can you do another one in front of me?”

“Sure,” I say, “but if you’re turned on, how say we fuck?” So we fuck. She tell me something very interesting: Tom not like women. He is man for men.

I revive some girls for Suzy. She is good fun. Tom looks gloomy and stays out of our way.

Then Arthur rings me up. He has job for me.

“My friend, there is a small nuisance. We have very good business in a school in St Paul’s until one teacher interferes, then also one policewoman. They ruin our business and two of our sub-contractors are in trouble.” He does not say what the business is, but I think I guess.

“So?” I say.

“You get rid of the teacher and if possible the policewoman. Make them gold, then they repay what we have lost and also there is no awkward body.”

“Sure – give me the details,” I say. “Maybe it will help if Suzy comes too. Is that O.K.?”

It was O.K. – and Suzy was over the moon. Good girl.

Suzy looked more O.K. in school than me. She is only disguise with spectacles, but I am disguise with fake bald head top, darker skin and contact lenses for brown eyes. She goes to reception, shows fake police card and asks where Miss Williams’ counselling session is. They assume I am police too, though I am carrying big bag.  Suzy is Sergeant, nice touch. When we get to the room, we wait until one girl has left and then Suzy knocks.

“Come in!” says nice female voice, kind of reassuring. Suzy opens the door. Inside is pretty black-haired white woman, sympathetic face, real nice tits, wide hips, big brown eyes – and young black policewoman, sensitive face like she should be artist instead of cop, quite small and slim, nice legs. They look surprised – not at Suzy, but at me.

“Miss Williams? PC Simms?” Suzy say. “I’m Paula Lee – my younger sister is in the second year. This is my friend Aaron Best. He’s got something you ought to know about.”

I look kind of sheepish, kind of uncertain.

“Is that right, Aaron?” asks the cop.

 I don’t hurry reply.

“Yes, it is,” I say, looking at floor.

“What is it? You can tell us,” says cop.

“Nobody else will know, will they?” I ask.

“That’s the basis we work on,” teacher says. “You don’t have anything to fear, Aaron.”#

“It’s this,” I say. I hit cop girl first in case she is trouble, in the face. But teacher is quick and I miss her. She’s running for the door but Suzy trips her. I hit her hard on back of head (I know if it makes a dent, it will be repaired). Very soon we have two golden statues.

We put them in bag and go to the door. Outside one girl is waiting, fully grown with big tits, prefect badge and polite expression. No-one else can see, but she is witness, so I hit her too. Just room for three in the bag. A few people look funny at us as we leave but no-one stops us. Just as well for them.

Arthur is very pleased.

“That teacher and that cop were seriously annoying us,” he says. “Please revive them for me tonight.” He is boss, but he is always polite. I can work with that kind of boss for a while. I am quite interested with Arthur when I revive the teacher and cop. He uses five-string knotted flail on their asses and tits and uses nipple clamps. When he is doing that he looks like artist, maybe scientist doing experiment, maybe surgeon doing operation on brain, only he operates on tit, ass and cunt. They open their mouths big like they want to scream a lot, but they make no sound. It is good. Then he watches me turn them back to gold and he smiles big.

I know two, maybe three or four, lots of serious people are looking for me, so I watch to see if anyone follows me, I leave little traps for if anyone breaks in or searches my stuff. I think I trust Suzy, but Tom, I can’t be sure. I see nothing. I think no-one knows where Marijus Vytautas is except Arthur and his people. Bristol is not bad place, plenty night life, rich people living just outside, easy to get to Cardiff, Birmingham – even London, but I not go there.

Arthur speaks to me. He says I have now a lot of gold in the house. What if someone steal it? What if police or intelligence come and realise all these statues are just like all those missing people? Better to melt them down, he says. He offers me 50% of profits from the gold. I say 65% or no deal. We agree on 60. We melt down all of them except PC Cecilia Silver because she is my favourite and the first, the second girl because she is young and Arthur likes her, and collection girl for same reason and teacher and last cop because they are new and we all want to have more fun with them, but big tit prefect gets melted. After all, big tits, more gold.

I buy nice house for myself. Suzy comes as my girlfriend and a big black guy called Del as handyman (really bodyguard, but he clean car dig garden too).  For Arthur I do one more job, girl courier in his organisation and her boyfriend because they were thinking of going to police. They get melted too, one lot of bricks together, very romantic.

The Arthur comes to me with two bodyguards instead of one, black guy and little Sammy. He speak to me and does not say very much, only

“Be very careful, Marijus. I am not sure, but maybe trouble is coming.” He will not tell me more, except I should be suspicious of everyone, but specially Chinese types.

“Including you and Suzy?” I ask, like joke. He smiles.

“Oh, especially me and Suzy,” he say.

I was already careful, but now I am more careful. Like only one drink in night club because I may need to fight for my life or if I am alert I notice something odd about taxi I just get in. Live like wild animal – they can still have fun and stay alive.

For some reason for Suzy this extra danger is turn-on. Our sex is fantastic. I keep eye on her all the same, and on Arthur and all his people. After all, they know my power is from the censer, the wand, whatever you want to call it. Anyone who has it can turn people to gold. It does not have to be me. Suzy could hit me with it and I would turn to gold. Also she has told me Arthur has given her gun. So I make sure not to offend these people and be useful to them. But I think if Arthur were planning to finish with me, he would not give me warning which makes me extra careful. Makes sense, yes?

Nothing happened for just over three weeks. Then one Friday night Suzy and me have gone to night-club, come back in taxi. We walk up drive in dark, careful as usual. Some lights are on in the house, which is the way it should be, because of Del. Front door is locked as it should be. I open it with key. Inside as I reach for light switch something makes me stumble a bit, but it could be anything. I take no notice. I put light on. I kiss with Suzy.

“How touching!” says voice from the stairs. We look up. Young woman is on stairs – Chinese type, very pretty, black top, grey trousers. Even though she is pointing gun I cannot help thinking, “Almost no tits, but trousers look tight and I bet her ass is good!”

“Whore girlfliend to bottom of stairs, then turn lound!” she orders. Chinese-born, not English from start, I think. Without delay, Suzy does what she says. Suzy is a bit smaller than this woman, who is now two steps up on stairs, so Suzy does not hide me from the cunt with the gun. Pity, or I would try something, because if we keep on doing what this cunt wants, I don’t fancy our chances. I don’t reckon she is police. Maybe intelligence, maybe big crime syndicate. Suddenly she hit Suzy on back of head with gun and Suzy falls into little crumpled heap. I’m not big on sympathy, but I almost feel sorry for her. But more important is staying alive myself.

“What about me?” I say.

“Hands up. On head if you like. Wait. Then I tell you what to do,” she says. She has done this before, more than once. That is not good. She feels at Suzy with one hand while covering me with the other. She finds little black gun and stuffs it in her pocket with “Huh! Not serious!”

She is ready for me.

“Take your tlousers off and tie them alound your uncles!” she orders. I am really puzzled.

“Uncles?”

“Uncles!” She is annoyed. “Uncles between your feet and your regs!” In other situation, I laugh. In this situation, I take my shoes off – no laces, which makes it quicker – pull my trousers down and tie them round my ankles. I should have got a gun – Arthur would have got one for me. Too late now. Talk – talking is good.

“Who are you? What do you want?”

“Who I am not your business. I want the wand.”

“There are very serious people who won’t like you if you take it,” I say. She looks contemptuous.

“Arthur? That petty climinal? Or Russians, or West? No ploblem!” she says calmly.

I think she is not so clever – or maybe clever but vain. She has just told me if she is in a criminal group, it’s much bigger than Arthur’s – which is pretty big – and she’s not working for any Russians, official or unofficial, or for any Western agency. Doesn’t leave much – Chinese government or Triads, I think.

She kicks Suzy out of the way and comes closer to me. She moves well. Also she holds gun like she’s used to it. Good and bad.

“Turn round, bend forward, hands apart on the wall!” she orders. O.K. – I know the position. I do what she says. She starts to search me. All the time I’m ready for any sign she’s been distracted, or she’s in the wrong position. It doesn’t come. She searches me a long time. I think she looks for gun, but I have no gun. No censer, even. Suddenly something happens. Next thing I know, I am lying on floor somewhere with everything blurred and pain in head. The blur begins to clear. Someone is standing watching me. Of course, it is Chinese woman with gun. I recognise one or two things. I am still in house, upstairs, in bedroom. I try not to move, not to let the bitch know I’m not unconscious.

“I see you! Wakey wakey!” calls voice. It is not gun woman. It is Suzy. I lift myself up very carefully till I’m sitting. I look at Suzy. She grins but says nothing. I look around. Del is on floor, very dead, one shot in side of head. Also on floor is Chinese gun-woman, naked and hands tied behind back, ankles tied to wrists. She is conscious and looking like she wants to kill.

“Look what I’ve brought you, Marijus, all tied up nicely!” says Suzy. She bends and kisses woman on lips. I do not think woman kisses back. “By the way, I’ve cleaned your wound. You seeing straight now?” I was.

“How did you do it?” I ask.

“I moved a little as she hit me. Old trick. Didn’t entirely work, as I still blacked out – but I revived before she expected it. She could have tied me up before she dragged you upstairs, but she was careless. By the way, there’s another one in a van on the drive, a man.”

“Shit! We need to deal with him!” I say.

“No hurry – he’s dead.” I found I could stand up. I kissed her – right in front of the gun cunt, who didn’t look happy.

“I thought you might want this,” says Suzy, and puts the censer down on the bed so I can pick it up. I do that before I think to ask myself how she got it.

“That was locked away,” I say.

“Your keys were in your trouser pocket,” she replies. “Shall we question this bitch before we do her?”

The Chinese bitch did not look very friendly.

“You can do what you like to me, Western dirt! I will die like a brave Chinese wallier!” she said.

“Well, now, that’s real interesting,” I replied. “Will you? How do you know? Because maybe you won’t die, only change! I think you know what I’m talking about.”

“Who sent you?” Suzy asked. She didn’t sound like she’d be happy with no answer.

“Bigger people than you! They will make you suffer!”

“Like the guy in the van with the bullet in his head?” I give it to her. She did not show any weakness when Suzy mentioned her dead comrade.

“So who are they?” I asked.

“You will find out!” she hissed, and actually spat at me. It landed on my cheek and I licked it off, smiling.

Suzy started playing with the gun girl’s tits – rough play. It did not persuade her. Suzy smiled, kind of flounced and pouted like spoilt girl not getting what she wanted, went to kitchen and came back with red chilli peppers and a sharp knife.

“Marijus, darling, can you open her legs right out so there’s a nice big gap?” Suzy asked. Of course I agreed. A minute later the gun girl gave in. She was a Chinese government agent. They reckoned the “special stick” was theirs by right for some reason – or at least that was what they’d told her and she believed it. They knew who I was and they knew they had rivals in Western intelligence, Russian mafia and Russian intelligence, but this girl was sure her lot would win because they were more systematic and dedicated. They’d already put some Russians out of the hunt, though they weren’t sure which lot they were working for.

Suzy glanced at me and nodded. I knew that meant she thought we’d got all we could from her.

“So you want the special stick?” I asked the woman.

“Yes!” she said.

“Here you are!” I said, and shoved the end up her cunt. I had to pull it out soon or it might have got stuck. She was a lovely golden statue with her legs splayed out. Suzy was very excited watching. Soon we were both excited.

But it left me worrying. These people were Chinese and Arthur did some business with the Chinese government. Even if he wasn’t bought, it’d be easy for Chinese to infiltrate his organisation. Maybe I should move on again. But Arthur disposed of two bodies, two men with bullets in head, no problems. That was useful. Also Arthur spoke long to me and said, you have been wise not to carry gun, for most people they are more trouble than worth in this country, only you shoot one cop and it is like country is at war and you are enemy. No sense of proportion. But now these Chinese government people are after you, also Russian mafia, it is best to carry gun. He handed me one, quite small so easy to hide, and said Suzy would show me how to use it.

Suzy enjoyed showing me. For her it was almost like sex. Afterwards we have sex, with one another and with Chinese agent. We both thrash Chinese agent on bare ass till it is all weals and no nice smooth yellow bits, then we turn her back to undamaged gold statue. All good.

Arthur has a new girl helper, quite like Suzy but maybe even younger, smaller, more like little bird, shorter hair. She says nothing in front of me, but I see Arthur pinch her ass. She look like maybe she not like it but knows it is best to let him. He calls me in and gives me another job, this time much easier, Indian couple who take over shop which was key location for Arthur’s business and won’t play ball. She’s not bad, maybe early thirties, kept herself fit, all to be gold statue and sex slave.

With Suzy – who was very demanding, very energetic – and with lovely golden cop cunt, and other statues from time to time, I have enough girls. Suzy has not said no, but I no more look for girls for one night stand from night-clubs or gym. Maybe I get old. Then Arthur’s girl Sammy, one day when I visit Arthur, goes out with me, makes point of opening door for me, gets in front of me, bends a little and brushes my cock with her ass in jeans. I think maybe one more. She smiles at me – so if I thought it was accident, I think that no more – and waves at me! Next time I meet her and Arthur, she gives me look like we’re conspirators, you-know-I-know-he-doesn’t-know kind of look. This is interesting, I think. Suzy never tell me no, Cecilia too stupid and golden to say no, so no problem. But I need to get alone with her. I don’t know her address, her phone number. For over two weeks, that is that. Then she comes with message from Arthur when Suzy is not around, but new bodyguard Rupe is there. She gives me two envelopes. I think both are from Arthur.

Pity Rupe is there, but maybe this is my chance.

“Hey, maybe we…” I start.

“Thanks, Marijus. Byeeee!” she says, and off fast on sky blue pushbike. Nice tight ass. I feel like boy turned down on first date. She is maybe cock-teaser.

I open first envelope. Something from Arthur.

I open second.

“You free tomorrow night, 20:00 hours, Hard Day’s Night Café? I’ll be there. If you can’t, ring me…” A mobile phone number. I think that is funny, funny amusing, that she talks of 20:00 hours, not “eight tonight”. She likes to play at secret agent, maybe.

I tell Suzy I go out that night alone, Arthur’s job.

“O.K.,” she says, “but please can you turn your silly policewoman Sususillier Sillyver back to flesh for me for night? I’d like to play with her.”

“Fine,” I say, and do it. I reckon Suzy knows what I am doing, but no problem. She is good fun. English say good sport. She will have good sport with Cecilia.

Cock tease woman will ask you to place like restaurant and not turn up or turn up just late enough that you wonder if she is coming or not. I get to Hard Day’s Night Café five minutes early and Sammy is already there. It is rock café and there is much leather, but Sammy is in pale blue t-shirt with UNIVERSITY OF WALES and something else on, maybe Welsh, and neat blue jeans, also new white trainers. She look like good girl student on night out. She is not like other women there. We get coke, we talk a little, but music is loud. She taps me on arm.

“Marijus, shall we leave here?” she asks. Maybe it is just there is too much noise to talk, maybe it is tactic of person used to throwing off anyone following or anyone I might have told where I was going. I remind myself where is censer in my small pack and where is gun in my jacket.

“I’ll get a taxi,” she says, and she is on her mobile phone. I think she is O.K., but not sure.

“No – I get taxi,” I say. I use my phone and number I know. We go to quiet, old-fashioned English pub, gloomy but that is good.

“Hi!” she says, as if we had just met, but under the table her foot is touching mine. We talk like people talk. She want to know a lot about Suzy, how we get on. That does not surprise me. I make suggestion things are not so good now with Suzy.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” she says. Maybe she is just nice kid. But she works for Arthur. Maybe she is family. “I keep hearing things about you, Marijus,” she say, eyes into mine like she worships me. “Strange things, like you’re some kind of magician. You are special, aren’t you, Marijus?” Still she play footsie. I am not going to talk about the censer.

“Sure I’m special, so you find out,” I say, and come round her side on the bench. We cuddle, we kiss. She is good. But somehow I think there is some kind of reserve. She is not letting go. Maybe what mother told her. Maybe someone else. She has nice legs, nice tiny little tits, nice mouth. What would she be like as statue? She is Arthur’s, so I not find out.

So I think anyway, we fuck that night, but I can’t take her back to house where Suzy is. I suggest we go to her place, but she says:

“Thanks, Marijus, and I really want to see you again and get to know you better, but I’m not a roll-over sort of girl.”

So we meet again. This time I hire car – safer if someone is following my van – and we talk again, this time in Italian restaurant. Same thing, she is curious, but she not tell much about herself. I keep looking for anyone watching us, anyone following, but nothing, only men admiring nice fuck Chinese piece. Only I not fuck her yet. We get in car, I drive to nice quiet street and I grab her. She fight quite hard, like she really doesn’t want it, but it is all the same. I fuck her. She is good, very tight. After I drive her to where she says she gets taxi and drop her. She avoids my eyes. She says nothing.

Four days, nothing. Then she rings me. She wants to see me again. I agree. Four days’ time.

I have made decision. I ask to see Arthur. I ask if she is family. He says no. I tell what she does, also what I do. He says fine what I do, we are men. But what she does, all these questions, it is not good.

“Leave it to me,” he says.

Sammy rings me again next day, with details about where we meet, what we do. Maybe she is checking I am still coming. Strange.

That evening Paul rings. Arthur is at Harlequin Night Club which he owns. I am to come – also Suzy. He says no more. We arrive. We are taken into basement. I have my gun and also the censer.

“You have done very well, Marijus,” says Arthur. “Come and see.”

Sammy is in small, bare room, hanging upside down by rope around her ankles, her arms roped behind her back. She is wearing blouse which is opened and torn to show her neat tiny tits and nothing else except white socks with blue rings. She has paper clips on her nipples, very fashionable. She has fantastic tight little bush, tight, flat stomach. She stares at me. I stare at her. No problem.

Her head is hanging into a kind of big bowl or vat and there is smell of piss. Liquid is just below level of her scalp and her hair is hanging down buit it is quite short, so it only just drops into piss.

“Come and piss in the bowl, Marijus!” says Arthur. “You too, Suzy, if you like.” I get the idea. After a while, the piss reaches the level of Sammy’s pretty little flat nose. Then her sweet little lips. Then she drowns in piss. Of course, Arthur is a practical man. This is for getting answers to questions. Sammy is being interrogated. I piss plenty in the bowl. So does Suzy. No shame, but pizzazz? Plenty. Serious woman. Piss now is lapping Sammy’s forehead.

“What have you found out?” I ask Arthur.

“Nothing. She is foolish. But it will come, Marijus,” he says, smiling. Two more of Arthur’s men piss in bowl.

“All right! Stop there!” cries Sammy.

“So?” asked Arthur.

“You want to know who I’m from, right?”

“How clever. That is exactly what I must know. So – Beijing government? Triads?”

“I’m a police officer, and the others know I’m here, so you’d better watch out! IAAAAH!” Arthur had slapped her hard.

“Why would Chinese police come here? If you are government you are intelligence! Drink some more, all of you. We will need to piss again.”

“I’m not Chinese government. I’m British police! Avon and Somerset Constabulary! Undercover!”

“Not under much cover now, are you?” said Suzy. “What is your rank?”

“Detective Constable.”

“How long in police?”

“Three years.”

“In detective branch?”

“Four months. They didn’t want to use me for this but they didn’t have any other young Chinese women.”

“Who sent you?”

“DCI Parrinder.”

“Parrinder! Has he got any distinguishing marks?” asked Arthur.

“Um…a scar on his left cheek and a sort of mole on his forehead.”

“She is police,” said Arthur. “Why were they investigating me?”

“They know you organise drug traffic and protection, but…then your name came up in connection with Dan Harvey.”

“Are you, my friends, ready to piss again?” Arthur asked.

“Sure,” I said.

“All right! Please! I invented that bit about Dan Harvey!”

“And the real reason was?”

“Oh, God. This thing that man has.” She looked at me. “There’s intelligence people wanting it, and not just ours. I volunteered because I thought I could do something for this country and stop people being turned to gold!” She looked ready to cry. Suzy gripped her pretty little ear and twisted it.

“So you’re a failure. A dead failure,” she said.

“Not dead,” said Arthur. “The wand, please, Marijus?”

“No!” said the false Sammy as she saw me take it out.

“Yes!” I said, and tapped her on her beautiful, tight little official police cunt.

Suzy, very practical, moved the big bowl out of the way before the nice gold statue, too small for the ropes, dropped into it. Instead she hit the floor head-first with thump. She is very beautiful statue, but I think Arthur will soon melt her down. I hope I have her first.

“She will be right. The police will know she is with us and soon they come here,” Arthur said. “It is you and the wand they want, not me, Marijus. But because of this traitor shit they know about my secret places and my friends. Thankyou for all the gold, Marijus. Take this also, a rifle. Now you are on your own. Run, rabbit, run.”

“Then I run with you,” said Suzy. I was impressed. Also impressed that Arthur has not handed me over to police, if it is true they want me and not him. For a boss he is not bad.

“Come,” I say to Suzy. “Bring the golden piggy.”

We return to the house in Suzy’s small car. We park in street outside not on drive for quick getaway. Then over wall, not up drive, and down track between bushes. All is quiet except owl. Then we hear low voice on a radio, somewhere in the dark, man talking to woman, trying to keep his voice down. Suzy kind of pinches me and slinks off, very quiet. Man’s voice says,

“O.K.. Over and out.” Then there is little concentrated thud and bigger more confused thud. I hear Suzy coming back, or so I think, but when I can see approaching person it is police because of chequered cap. Then I see it is Suzy but with police cap. Funny. We kiss.

We get into house by window I break very quietly. There is one thing I must bring – PC Cecilia Silver. We get her out of the grounds with no more trouble and into Suzy’s car, so it has two real people and two golden cop girls.

Suzy drives off – but behind us right away comes another car, a police car, flashing lights. It is gaining on us so I shoot, four shots. I am not experienced with gun, so I am quite surprised. Police car slams into wall. Fun! But then there are others. I can see we will not get away in this little car. I tell Suzy we must stop somewhere, estate, crowded street, wood, anywhere we may lose them. But then we leave behind two lovely piggies! No, I have better idea.

I turn fast into car park of big housing estate, among some parked cars and bollards, so police cannot just roar in all together. I touch nice golden Sammy with the censer, and nice golden Cecilia too. I whisper to them. Just as first police cars scream in, four figures run for cover – one Chinese girl in jeans and trainers, one Lithuanian guy in jeans and running shoes, two naked girls, one white, one yellow. Three of them are carrying guns. The Lithuanian guy not, only knife.

We are racing up concrete steps in almost dark, only one weak light. We hear steps behind us, below us. Suzy fires down into the darkness and there is sound of something heavy going down steps again. But there is also another sound. Someone fires back. They miss. Suzy fires again. More bumps, no more shots.

We are on balcony at top. Suzy is covering stairwell and lift entrance. Peeping over top of balcony are two guns, four tits, two heads. Our nice little piggies are obeying instructions. White one has rifle, yellow one has semi-automatic pistol. Two real beautiful asses poked out pointing other way from guns, one extra-tight little Chinese number, one bigger, meatier, English free range piggy rump.

There is almost silence. Things are happening down there in the car park, lights are moving, voices call but not loud and we not hear what they say. No more shots, not ours, not theirs.

Nothing happens behind the doors and windows facing out on to balcony. Perhaps people have heard shots and are afraid. Perhaps police are busy phoning them and warning them to keep locked doors and stay inside.

Suzy has a suggestion. Our position is not good, so I agree. She uses her mobile phone.

A helicopter comes and hovers over the building. We are in its big light. Suzy fires and it backs off a bit but hangs around. Time passes.

Then a big voice, but woman – woman on megaphone.

“HELLO, MARIJUS! HELLO, SUZY! CAN YOU HEAR ME?” Of course we hear you, stupid cunt.  “THIS IS CHIEF INSPECTOR SOUTHERN. YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY ARMED POLICE.” Oh, I thought it was fucking fairies. “WE DON’T WANT ANYONE ELSE TO GET HURT.” Yeah, you don’t, but us? “IF YOU GIVE YOURSELVES UP YOU’LL BE TREATED FAIRLY.” Yeah, and if you give yourself up, you’ll be fucked till the cock comes out of your mouth. “IS THERE ANYONE YOU WANT TO SPEAK TO?” Yeah, Lindsay fucking Lohan. “CAN YOU INDICATE THAT YOU’RE HEARING ME?” I say one word to Sammy and she fires one shot. O.K., we showed we heard you and we gave you an answer, cunt.

“Marijus, we’re holding them back but we’re trapped here,” says Suzy. She is right. There will be no back way out from the flats, and there is no other way down from this balcony.  Then I spot rubbish chute. I open lid. It is big enough: none of us are fat. But it leads out where pigs are and maybe also they have realised it’s there. One way to find out. I call Suzy. She fires one shot down chute. Someone fires back. No good. I shut lid.

I think. We could break into one of the flats and take a hostage, but that means we have another thing to watch. Police will not let us go and sooner or later, they get a chance to shoot. Unless we give up, and we will not. If it was gangsters or Chinese or Russian intelligence, I could give up the censer and maybe they would let us go. Not police.

“There are some people I can ring, Marijus, but you may need to give up the wand,” says Suzy.

“O.K. if you can work it, but I not hand over it right away or they shoot us, whoever they are. We do deal, they tag me if they like, then I hand it over,” I say.

Cecilia and Sammy both let off single shots. No reply.

“CECILIA! SAMANTHA! MARIJUS! SUZY! SOMEONE UNARMED IS COMING UP TO SPEAK TO YOU – TWO PEOPLE. DON’T FIRE!” Chief Inspector Shit says by megaphone. She knows all our names, even Cecilia. She knows too much.

“If anyone comes up here we shoot!” I yell. “Unless you put on light on stairs and person comes up stairs backwards with hands tied behind back!” There was a brief silence and then Chief Inspector Shit says yes.

A light does on over the stairs. We hear slow steps coming up, very slow, and two people. Suzy is watching and she calls,

“Marijus! It’s two porkers – two girls. They look very silly coming up backwards!”

“Are their hands tied like I said? If not, waste them!”

“They’re not tied behind their backs, they’re handcuffed. Shall I shoot them? Please can I shoot them up the arse?” I love her. Please we get out of this.

“Handcuffed will do,” I say.

When they’re nearly at the top, one of them calls,

“Can we turn round, please? We’re unarmed.”

Well, I can see the sense in that, but I call to Suzy to say no for the moment. Suzy relieves me at the balcony so I can take charge, and I tell Cecilia to stand with me. Like Suzy said, two porkers, with two nice asses. I take a good look and then tell them they can turn round slowly. One tall, pretty blonde, one not very dark black one with big tits. They look around. They take in my face, but they look mainly at Cecilia and Sammy.

“Sessy! It’s Luzette! Your friend! Remember that boat outing? Remember Sergeant Smith at that Christmas Party? You do, I can see! You’re going to be all right. Just help us to persuade these people to give up peacefully and not get hurt!” the big-titted black one says, staring at Cecilia. So they were prepared and brought down some police cunt friend of Cecilia’s!  Such organisation!

But the tall blonde is speaking too now, more loudly because she’s calling to Sammy, who’s further away and staring out over the car park and that.

“Sammy! It’s Jo! Your best friend from school and the Force! You’ll be all right now. Just help us settle this without anyone more getting hurt.”

I call Sammy over so she faces them too. I stand back a bit so I can watch ground level as well as the two porkers.  Suzy whispers to me, good news. I whisper to my sweet Cecilia. She raises her gun and points it at the big-titted black cow.

“Sessy! You don’t have to! It’s all right! You remember me, it’s Luzette! I want to help you, ple…oh.” Such a polite little “oh”, so English. You’d hardly think she had a neat hole in her left tit. She crumpled to the floor, with quite a thump because she was a big, meaty porker. Gave me another view of her big fat ass. The other one, the tall blonde, was looking at Miss Stuck Piggy with horror. She thought Cecilia would shoot her next. Wrong. I sent Cecilia to watch the car park and called Sammy over. She levelled her gun at her old friend.

Old friend’s eyes widened even more. Sammy’s just looked blank, like someone gutting a fish who’s done it hundreds of times before.

“Sammy!” said the blonde. Less talkative than the black. Sammy shot her in the same place and down she went, falling across the black bit. Bit of a waste, really, I thought. Hold on, they were facing us, so it wasn’t their left tits that got it, but their right! I dashed to the two of them. They both seemed to be moving just a bit, twitching, and blood was coming through their nice clean blouses. I hit them both with the censer. It wouldn’t work if they were dead, so I’d soon know. But they were turning to gold.

Cecilia fired twice. The pigs down below were moving. They’d heard the two shots up above.

Now a second helicopter had joined the first. That must be a sign they’re going to make an attack, I thought.

“THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE!” shouted the cunt with the megaphone. Cecilia took careful aim. I guess the megaphone amplified the sound. The bullet struck something metallic, then maybe Chief Inspector Cunt right up the megaphone and down her throat. I hope. She wasn’t talking any more, anyway. An improvement, yes?

Then something seemed to explode in the new helicopter, just a small explosion, and a second later there was a real big nice explosion in the first helicopter. It was in flames. It crashed somewhere just behind us.

Suzy clapped.

The new helicopter flew low over the car park and dropped something. By its lights and the security lights, I could see the cops dropping. Suzy was clapping and cheering.

“Who are these people?” I asked.

“Chinese government agents!” she said. “I phoned them.”

I am thinking this is better than English police, because maybe we do a deal with them. But then, why do they need deal? Once they have the censer, they do not need me or Suzy. I realise I cannot hold on to the censer. Too many powerful people know about it.

The roof of the black is flat. That is good for the helicopter. It lands. They throw down rope ladder. I look at Suzy and she look at me.

“I go first. You have the censer,” she says. I have same thought. I go first with the censer, and why should they care about Suzy, and how can she protect me with her gun?

As she climbs, all is silent in car-park except for sound of big van like for removals that comes in. Not a police van.

Suzy is up and with one Chinese guy in suit. She waves for me to come up. I come.

Inside helicopter are two other guys, the pilot and one other. The one outside speaks to me, like orders. I think he is the boss of the two inside, he looks and sounds like that kind bastard.

“You hand over the tool,” he says. “We turn British cops into nice store of gold. The gas does not kill, only incapacitate. We take you and this woman somewhere safe. We take tool to China.”

Yeah, I think, you get the censer then you shoot us.

“That is not a good deal,” I say.

“Too right,” says Suzy. “You’ll have to rethink, Counsellor.”

He laughs.

“Why should I rethink? We have all the cards.”

“Have you?” says Suzy. Her gun is pressed to his head. He is not so confident and commanding now. He wants to live.

“You can’t get away,” he says, but he sounds shaken. “My men will shoot you.”

“They’d have shot us anyway,” says Suzy. “Only this way, we get to shoot you first. Or we do a different deal. We get into the helicopter with you. It goes where we decide. We tie you up except for pilot. This rope ladder will do. He lands the helicopter, we leave but you get to keep the tool, as you call it.”

I can see the problem with this for his side. If we command the helicopter, we can kill them all, escape and keep the censer. Only now, I do not want to keep it, because someone catch me sooner or later and I die or go to prison.

“Are you sure…” I say to Suzy.

“Marijus, this way we can escape together! I want to be with you forever!” she says.

“Sounds good,” I say, and hit her with the censer.

Their faces when they realise are always great. Hers especially. Chinese are looking amazed. More amazed when Cecilia and Sammy appear. They have climbed up the rope ladder too – two naked chicks with guns. We could take the helicopter, but I am tired of running.

Suzy is turning to beautiful little gold statue.

“O.K. – this is the deal,” I say to the Counsellor. “I help you turn stupid English cops to gold. I am your friend, I have just shown it, yes? Then we all go somewhere safe, maybe Hong Kong. I have two weeks with censer, with these two and Suzy and two cop girls we just collected, then it is yours. Of course you can kill me, but maybe I am useful to you?”

“O.K.,” he says, “that is the deal.”

Cecilia and Sammy watch them while I turn all the cops to gold. I find Chief Inspector Southern, still holding shattered megaphone. Not young, but nice tits and ass.

We get out just before cop reinforcements. I laugh at idea of them wondering where all their friends are. They would not believe.

I still don’t know if the Chinese kill me or not, but by doing Suzy, maybe I have impressed them. That turns out true.

Two great weeks in Hong Kong with Cecilia, Sammy, Suzy, Jo, Luzette and Chief Inspector Shitface. I turn them to flesh, I fuck them, I turn them to gold, I turn them to flesh. Chinese keep their word: they have decided I can get facelift and be agent in Hong Kong and Singapore. They set up business for me. I keep Suzy and Cecilia. Rest get melted down.

Have you noticed, gold price is down a bit because of Chinese new mines? Also that Chinese economy survives the recession so well? And people keep predicting Chinese dissidents will get out of hand, but they get so far, then no more trouble?

Now you know the reasons. And Chinese are making more “tools” and let me have one from time to time. I’d hate never to see PC Cecilia Silver turning into gold again.