My nameís John Doe and Iím a Technosexual ...

By Rotwang (Zardreth@Cyberking.be)

 

 

I had been staring about an hour at the keyboard and screen before I felt the courage to write down this story ...

(A shot of vodka does wonders ...)

Iím, like you, a member of the ASFR and I think I have been a bit more lucky than most.

I got into the ASFR because of Sorayama drawings and stuff.

Well, to be honest ... Sorayama drawings came a bit later. Because ...

Well ...

(GET ON WITH IT !)

Okay ! I was running hot for C3PO ...

First of all, C3PO was the first "person in a robot-suit" I can remember seeing on screen, so I just kept dreaming about getting an outfit for myself.

Okay, I was only six at the time, but I just knew that from that moment on, I was on a mission from God to get into a robot suit ...

The mission only lasted about two years, until I grew out of it. By that time I had seen Cylons and I wanted to be a Cylon ... Donít ask me why, I was only eight !

I saw Empire and Jedi as well ... And I just felt weird every time I saw that good old Threepio ... (No ! not that weird !)

Years passed, I was pretty good with my hands. I took some courses on plastics and electronics, that would allow me to get into special effects. I mainly got to build models of space-ships or buildings to blow up in TV-series and cheap movies, but I got to know a lot of people ...

(Movies so cheap you couldnít find them in a cult video library !)

Among them were Josh and his sister Joy. He was one of the pioneers of movie props and replicas, doing unlicensed models and replicas long before the rest of the world got on that bandwagon.

One day, he approached me and asked me if I could make something for him, or rather for his sister ...

I basically agreed to help them out and it turned out that she wanted me to make a replica of a robot, life-size ...

It looked a bit like Threepio, yet was a little more elegant and ... (drums) female.

For those who havenít already guessed : (all in choir ...)

It was the METROPOLIS ROBOT.

Long story cut short : She was one of the three certified female technosexuals on the planet (I still have to find the other two ...)

Of course the ASFR was only a gleam in the eye of some visionaries (Give yourselves a good pat on the back !) and we didnít realize anything until much later ...

Now, the experience I got building her suit (took us a while to get the proportions right, until she finally admitted she wanted to wear it, which simplified everything to a bodycast and stuff ...) enabled me to work on a copy of Threepio.

I was only just starting work on my own Threepio, when I got an offer from some people in another city. I must say it was an offer I couldnít refuse, so I moved right away. Unfortunately, Joyís suit was still in a garage being painted and I still had a lot to work on my outfit, so we never connected those proverbial dots.

A good five years passed and I, like thousands of people had made my first few blundering steps on the Internet. Since I always considered my Threepio outfit to be in a permanent state of construction and improvement, I looked for stuff and info on it, looking for new techniques and materials. And then one day ...

ASFR !!!

I know some of you will laugh at this, but I suddenly realized why I had felt so weird when I saw a robot ...

OKAY ! I admit ! I felt a little more than weird, and I certainly knew my own feelings, itís only (as the cliché goes) that I thought I was the only one ... (give me a nickel for every person who tells me that and Iíll be richer than Bill Gates !)

To put things straight, I was not in love with Threepio ! I wanted to be him !

Part of it was claustrophillia, coupled with the pleasure of dressing up ...

Well, it was still five years later and I was getting ready for Halloween. That time of the year you can do the craziest things and get away with it !

So I got into my outfit (ever wonder how they get in there all alone ???) and just walked the streets.

Got compliments from a lot of people, who told me the suit looked perfect !

I had the routine worked out, except for one small detail ...

I could never do the voice ! At best I sound like a cross between Elmer Fudd and Vincent Price !

At worst ... Well, you donít want to know !

There I was, basking in my golden glory, when I noticed another crowd following somebody else ...

I walked up to them for a quick glance and there she was ...

I recognized my handiwork and I suddenly felt incredibly weird !!!

Perhaps I was completely blind back then, but when I saw her in all her silver glory, I went completely crazy ! I went up to her, offered her my arm and we spent a very cool Halloween together.

Later that evening we helped each other out of our masks and started to talk. Joy was a nice girl with a great personality, and after a few dates and stuff we went steady ...

Another year passed, and we were seriously considering marriage. Of course we would do it in style and dress up before that altar.

Yet in all this time, I had one overwhelming urge ...

Threepio had been a crazy, but fulfilled childhood dream, but I had another dream. (Brace yourselves, here it comes !)

Well, I wanted to dress up as her robot ...

Iíve never ever worn a dress in my life and to this day I can still not see the fun of dressing up as a woman, but a robot woman on the other hand ... (Is this me or am I hearing a steam whistle ?)

So, one day, I waited for her to go out and dressed up. We were about the same size and height and it fitted fairly well. Had some trouble moving (again you gotta ask how he got in there !!!)

Of course I was in heaven and began to repeat this every time she was out, until one fateful day ...

She wanted to surprise me by wearing my costume, while I was standing in front of the mirror in her costume !

She took it very well and told me she didnít mind. (give that girl a medal !!!)

A month later we got married. The priest took it pretty well (give that priest a medal !) and we had a great party afterwards, if it werenít for one little snag ...

Josh thought it would be fun to invite a few robots to cheer things up a bit. We got a Cylon, Robocop, a few Borg, a Dalek (Excuse me Mr. Dalek, are you with the bride or the groom ?)

And ...

This is where it turns a little crazy ...

Robby the robot !

Iíd better recap here. (Hold on to your hats !)

I like to dress up as a robot and so does Joy. In particular, I like to dress up as a female robot and she ...

Fell in love with Robby !

Now the worst bit is that she didnít fall for Robby alone, she fell for the person inside.

I wouldnít mind losing her to some guy that much, but thereís a WOMAN inside, called Linda.

Yes, Joy, my very own newly wed wife and kinky little robot turned out to be bisexual !!!

And before I could say "Oh Dear master Luke !" Linda came onto ME ! Telling me her "hydraulic fluid pressure went through the roof" every time she saw me as Threepio ... But she hates the Metropolis robot and Iím not at all keen on Robby myself !!! I like Linda a lot as sheís basically my type of girl, even more so than (gulp) Joy, but she has a huge C3PO-fetish and sheís trying hard to ignore the fact that Iím inside ! Simply put, she doesnít like me as I am, but only as Threepio !

So you see, we are in a bit of sticky mess.

And next time one of you fine ASFR folks feel down about your fetish, just think of our predicament !!!

John Doe